"god’s dead"

I said, baby, that’s all right with me.

There’s way too much going on in and outside of my head and it’s leaving me in this funky ass middle ground that I can’t seem to get out of. But there’s SO much I still need to do and I KNOW that but I can’t seem to pull myself out. I’m so depressed about it and I don’t know what to do because crying isn’t doing anything for me.

I mean I obviously know whats going on so there’s no point to rehash it or make this post even but I’m too lazy to write anymore. 

I love Tampa way too much but I fucked everything I even had going for me up so how much I love Tampa might not even matter anymore if I’m not allowed to come back and that’s the shittiest part. That effects everything. EVERYTHING. Everything from here on out. You know how shitty of a feeling that is? You know how shitty of a feeling that is that I can’t even really tell or explain that to anyone? It’s heartbreaking. I honestly think I broke my own heart.

Idk man I’m just sitting here working on composite functions and I had a thought… 

Like I definitely deserve a nice dark haired man with a beard. Like why the fuck not? I deserve that and I shouldn’t settle for anything less than I want.

C’mon Becks lets get our shit together and be a better version, the best version of ourself we can be. Damnit.